One year. Literally it has been one year this month that I have been unemployed.
Earlier today I received a rejection e-mail by a firm I had interviewed with. The position was Design Assistant and when I went in for the Interview, I found out I wouldn’t be a Design Assistant, I would be Assistant to the Designer. I was rejected because I had too much experience.
I am, by degree, and Interior Designer. When I graduated from school in Manhattan, the markets were crashing and America had officially gone into a depression. I was lucky. I was engaged to a Swiss native who was finishing up one year of school in Geneva. We were getting married three months after I graduated in Switzerland where I would live with him until the economy was safe enough for us to move back to America and work in New York.
It took 7 months for me to get an internship in Switzerland. This was because I didn’t know a lick of French. I worked in a firm where I was constantly made fun of for being an American by my other co workers. After 5 months, I switched jobs to another office. At the new firm, I was making double the amount of money and on the top of the world.
Never before in my life had I had a job where I could completely support myself and I wasn’t only supporting myself but also my now ex-husband. I worked at that job for 6 months where I took more and more responsibility until I was caring for four of my own projects.
My relationship was sinking because my husband was seeing someone else. Before I knew that, he encouraged me to take a vacation to see my friends and family because it had been a very tough year. I gave in and booked my flight. The day before that flight I was called into the conference room at work.
I was told that we had lost a major project that we’d thought we would win. That was supposed to be the project that I would work on when I was originally hired. Because we didn’t get the project, I had to be let go for financial reasons. I almost canceled my flight. My husband had convinced me to go and take a break. He told me we’d start a search as soon as I’d returned.
I never returned. When I got to America, my ex husband told me about his girlfriend. He told me if I tried to come back to Switzerland, he wouldn’t see me but if I stayed in America, he’d send me my things. I was devastated. Not only had I lost a job that I loved but I also just lost my husband.
To make matters worse, after he told me, I woke up one morning with Bell’s Palsy. I didn’t even know what it was until one morning, I had it. A month after being back and searching for jobs in multiple cities, everything came to a halt on that morning and stayed at a halt for six months while I slowly recovered.
I didn’t know what to do. My speech was slurred, I couldn’t open or close my left eye, I couldn’t taste anything, my face was completely dead and it wasn’t even guaranteed to return to normal. I couldn’t apply to jobs because I hated myself. I hated myself for being a failure as a wife and to have lost my job. I hated myself because of how I looked. Normally, my smile was something to look in awe at; I am a very pretty woman. All of a sudden, I was a failure and a monster for an indefinite amount of time.
Slowly I could move my face more and more with the help of electroshock therapy. The therapists would hold an electric gun to my face and shoot it for an hour three times a week. I didn’t even have health insurance and no job. All of this money that was being spent was from money I had saved while working over the past year.
When I was about fully recovered, I moved out to Portland. I had met the man of my dreams who had taken me completely off my feet. He made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world when half of my face wasn’t working and I had felt like a monster. I moved out to Portland in March in search of a more relaxed life style where I work and I could come home to my wonderful boyfriend and beautiful dog. I deserved it after the past half of a year.
For four months I applied like crazy to any Architecture firm I could find in Portland and then resorted to retail with absolutely no luck. If I weren’t applying, I was spending time with this amazing human being who was the shining light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
Again, Slowly, my dog, Elwood, was showing signs of being sick. After thousands of dollars on multiple veterinary hospital bills, we found out that my dog has an incurable liver disease and his life expectancy will be about 5 years; he is currently 2. I had lost all of my savings to those bills and had to move home. My now ex boyfriend grew distant and we broke up on the day we found out what was wrong with our dog. He had no plans on moving back to New York and no interest in a long distance relationship even if it would only be for a few months.I now had to deal with being unemployed for over a half a year and a dog on the brink of death.
I felt like I had lost everything again. I felt useless, unemployable and as if I were a failure no matter what I did. I thought the world hated me.
I have been back in New York for two months now. I have applied to numerous jobs and even attended networking events. Things were beginning to look brighter and I was even considering getting my Masters of Architecture. I’ve been told how impressive my resume and work is. I am also a fine artist who is getting international acclaim. None of that however is working out for me. The economy yet again is coming to a halt and with unemployment still over 9%- not looking as though it will get any better but instead, worse, as a result, hiring is slowing down.
The more I read, the more I become worried. This past year of my life has been so hard. I have felt alone, exhausted and helpless. I hear my friends who have jobs complain about how crazy their bosses are and all I want to do is slap them. How lucky are they to even have jobs?! I have been applying to job after job, at least two a day, with no luck.
I have decided to go back to school but I know that it will take at least another year until I pass the GMAT and do all of the research to get myself in a respectable school. I can only do that thanks to student loans, grants and scholarships. Today I read an article about how students will be feeling the pinch of the debt deal. School will now cost more for me than it would have before. I have been unemployed for a year next month and our economy will be in the dumps until- projected- end of 2013.
I am not able to collect unemployment in either Switzerland or America.
I am 26 years old and I can’t even buy a sandwich without asking my parents for money.